The Duchess who outranks everyone

Unnecessary Prodding

2011-07-31T17:14:00.001-07:00

Loyal Subjects:

Recently I was forced into the Distasteful Containment Pod and taken to The Shop of Horrors. While I have been Mildly Indisposed, my staff felt it necessary to take me to Dr. Dog. After a great deal of Unnecessary Prodding, it was declared that my Nether Regions were in need of Medicinal Compounds. These were administered by Sharp Points to my Posterior.

While I am feeling better, I have found it Necessary to ignore my staff most of the day. Except for when they bring me a snack. Then I will grant them a purr and a scritch.

Sir Arthuritis is being held at bay by the Medicinal Compounds. I am Pleased with the Outcome, if not the Means of this Relief.

Polgara

The Duchess Who Outranks Everyone

Sick and tired of it

2011-06-19T22:03:00.000-07:00

Loyal followers

I regret that I have not been able to keep you updated on my latest mews. I have been less than ambitious due to the unending ache in my joints. Sir Arthuritis seems to visit more and more frequently and I am at his beck and call.

However, my staff have found ways to provide acceptable food and drink. I am the sole feline allowed Greenies. Of this I greatly approve.

Of the rest, those felines of whom I will not speak, I continue to have no comment.

It is Bird Season

2010-04-29T14:36:00.001-07:00

And I Approve.
Now if I could just Persuade my Staff to allow me Access to these Delicacies, all would be Well.

Polgara
The Duchess who Outranks Everybody.

Well.

2010-04-13T04:20:00.000-07:00

My Servants have been Most Repectful. They have Purchased a Lovely Container which is Growing Fresh Sushi. I am Pleased. I shall Request that One of my Servants take a Picture and then Display it for your Undying Admiration!

Now. They must Stop Forgetting to Filet and Serve it to Moi.

Ahem.

I am Waiting.

Polagara
The Duchess Who Outranks Everyone.

Bird-watching season

2010-04-01T14:40:00.000-07:00

I approve of this Season. There are Delightful Temptations for the Palate Flittering and Scurrying Hither and Yon. I have Requested Filet of Bird but am Being Ignored.

Please be Advised that I will Wait Patiently at Bit Longer. And then. I would like a Little Treat. Freshly Prepared. In a nice Cream Sauce.

~~Ahem.~~

Polgara
The Duchess Who Outranks Everyone.

Anxious...

2010-02-04T09:11:00.000-08:00

Loyal Subjects...

My apologies. Affairs of State require my Utmost Concentration and I have not had Opportunity to provide you with my Latest Opinions.

I am working on my Annual Report wherein I Unabashedly Scold a certain Odoriferous Male Feline for continued Persecution and Harassment of my Royal Personage. I am weary of This Issue but would like you to know that it has Not Ceased.

A while ago my Humans erected a Not-Tree which was a superb place to have a quiet Retreat and Respite from the OMF. They provided cute playtoys for me on the under-branches. It was Beautifully Lit. I was Quite Pleased. However, shortly after the Not-Tree appeared, the Humans disappeared. And due to their Extended Absence, I had to Fend for Myself (though the Nice Blonde Girl did bring me Treats and Affection.)

As of late, there are been Disturbing Influences. First TOC and then OMF have disappeared in the Valise of Terror, and both reported being taken to the Shop of Horrors. I can count. I know I'm next. But they have to Find Me First.

I am your Suspicious and Occasionally Affectionate -
Polgara
The Duchess Who Outranks Everyone.

Monthly Mewsings...

2009-10-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

It is difficult to explain the Heights of Dyspepsia that one must suffer through during Change-of-Coat Season. I have attempted to Maintain an Outward Regal Calm, but when the Paroxysms of Bezoars occur, I look for a Discreet Place to suffer the Vicissitudes of my Delicate Constitution.

Unfortunately, the Odoriferous Male Feline thinks that my dis-ease is humorous. I shall have to consider where to deposit my "Disapproval" of his Presence.

One can only tolerate so many Rude Gestures and Comments before one must make a stand.

You Have Been Warned!

Polgara
The Duchess Who Outranks Everyone

Distress

2009-09-02T18:03:00.000-07:00

Gentle Readers...

We have waited for the Home Life to return to some sort of acceptable Pace and Occupancy. Instead, we are disillusioned by the Noise, Smell, and Vacancies in this humble abode.

The Chief Scribe has abandoned us to some Place of Higher Learning. We deposited reminders of our silky fur on her Containers of Abandonment in the hopes that she would come to her sense and return. She has been Disobedient. We are not amewsed.

The Malodorous Male Feline remains in Residence. However, I have deigned to let T.O.C. exchange Polite Catly Greetings. There is Hope that we will be able to sway her opinions of MMF and evict him from the favored bed of Repose.

In all matters, we perceive there to be far too much Noise and Camaraderie in this Abode.

Perturbedly,

Polgara
The Duchess Who Outranks Everyone

Strange goings on

2009-08-12T06:33:00.000-07:00

Greetings hoomans and RevPetPals...

While I have made sufficient time in my Daily Schedule to blog, I have been thinking very deep thoughts about the Existence of Evil, the Reality of God and the Necessity of Perseverance in Times of Distress.

The Odoriforous male cat is still in residence in My Abode. I tolerate him, but occasionally he must be given a swat of the Royal Paw. I am not his playmate. I am his ruler.

There have been far too many comings and goings in recent days, and now one finds the evil bags-of-doom being filled with clothing and put in the vehicle of terror. I do not approve of my Hoomans going anywhere that I did not suggest.

We shall see if they remember to put out kibble. Particularly, MY trout kibble.

I remain your affectionate
Polgara
The Duchess who outranks everyone

My Royal Throne

2009-01-19T19:01:00.000-08:00

My subjects have been most acceptably kind. I shall deign to sit on my royal throne. It is warm and lovely and I DO NOT SHARE IT with anyone.

Especially odoriferous male felines.

Polgara
The Duchess who outranks everyone.

Respect that is due me...

2009-01-11T19:27:00.001-08:00

I am pleased.

My subjects have found a proper throne for my royal magnificence. It has a deliciously soft and comfortable cushion, magically heated for my royal paws.

I grant them mini-purrs and a tail twitch of approval.

Should they decide to rid my domicile of other obnoxiously loud felines, they will be rewarded.

Polgara
The Duchess who outranks everyone

Training

2008-11-10T07:31:00.000-08:00

I must report that my attempts to train humans and felines in this household for proper respect and deportment are failing miserably. I am most disgusted.

It should be noted that it is NOT appropriate to:

sniff someone when they are sound asleep
pat someone's posterior when they are looking the other way
eat someone's special gourmet kibble since it is all that agrees with a sensitive digestion
in general, annoy, provoke and laugh at said-provoked personage.

My claws are manicured. I am well-rested since I have found a warm and underutilized space to sleep.

You have been warned!!

Perturbedly,

Her Grace
Polgara
The Duches who outranks everyone

Could it get ANY worse?

2008-08-02T09:45:00.000-07:00

Friends, Romans and Countrymen,
Lend me your ears (and paws.)

In my moment of distress, I have come to tell you that my domain is in great disrepair. Not only has an enemy infiltrator been permanently established, but he is in cahoots with the Young Upstart. I do not have a moment's peace.

I sleep on my favorite chair. They bop my tail.
I sleep on my human's desk chair. They play with my ears.
I sleep BETWEEN my humans as they watch the picture screen. They come in and say nasty things about my lineage and then jump up and TRY TO SHARE MY THRONE!

SO today I let them know how I felt.
I made a (ahem) motion on the kitchen floor. AND the carpet. And I expected unanimous approval for my efforts. I did not get it. I was scolded. Loudly.

In my state of mind, can you blame me?

I shall consider how to best punish them for their grave indiscretions...

Most distressedly yours,
Polgara
Her Grace
The Duchess who outranks everyone...

Who is like, totally, in charge, dude.
(There. Do I sound like a Young Upstart now???)

We Are Not Amewsed.

2008-07-14T16:41:00.000-07:00

Loyal Subjects.

All is not well in Our Domain. I have been forced into sharing with yet another Young Upstart. This New Catly Presence claims royalty and decrees that he is King Henry.

We Are Not. Amewsed.

And Then.

In attempting to escape some nefarious machine of most cacophonous noise, AND in my desire to not be in company of said animal... I have suffered a most painful indignity. It necessitated incarceration at the Shoppe Of Horrors.

I shall not bore you with my vicissitudes. A lady does not discuss the Issues of her Innermost Being. That would be T.M.I.

Know that I shall return and shall browbeat the lowlifes which insist on infringing on Our Domain. I shall not play "tag" or other infantile diversions. I shall not meme unless I determine it to be of royal importance. Or if there is correction and instruction which is required for said younglings who do Not Respect Their Superiors.

And Now. A rest. For the Trauma of this day has overwhelmed even my stalwart heart.

Cordially
Polgara
Her Grace
The Duchess Who Outranks Everyone

Took Her Long Enough!

2007-12-02T16:48:00.000-08:00

Hmph. Well, I've finally gotten my Court Musician back under control. She hasn't "had time" to post my mewsings because homework. Again, the lame excuse! I have given her a stern talking-to and she has agreed to being posting again on a more regular schedule.
Certian recent events in Our Domain have upset me a great deal. It's bad enough that Y.U. has taken over the upstairs, but recently she's been invading my den downstairs! My one remaining stronghold has been breached. We are royally ticked!
The interloper spent most of her time down here sucking up to my humans and trying to steal my catnip mouse. Y.U. thought she could stay down here longer, but I informed her otherwise. Stealing my Alpha Male, indeed!
I am preparing to counter her most recent attack with propaganda intended to bring the traitorous members of my Court back to my side. I will focus on the Alpha Male and Scullery Maid. The Alpha Male is MY human, and while he appears to be neutral, I cannot afford to let Y.U. have him. The Scullery Maid is most important from a strategic point of view- she spends most of her time upstairs, in the heart of Y.U.'s territory. If I can turn the Scullery Maid to my side, I shall have a very valuable ally.
I shall carry out my campaign by making them remember who I am! I am a Duchess who outranks everyone, and must be treated as such! I shall demand food befitting my rank, while keeping their loyalty by allowing them to pet me and put me on their laps... So long as they don't warm their cold fingers on me, as the Unwanted Wuzzler does!

This is all that your Duchess has to say for the moment.
Signed, the RULER of the house,
Polgara

Well, we can't have THAT!

2007-11-05T12:20:00.000-08:00

It has recently come to our attention that the Young Upstart (Y.U.) is still blogging all sorts of horrible nonsense about our Catship. Ever since that young cat came into the house she's been bugging me. I've been trying to expose the truth in my comments on her blog, but that has proven to be insufficient. As a result, my majesty has spread to the internet (you may pause to bask in my glory). My scribe and court musician will type all my pearls of wisdom as I dictate them.
I suppose I should introduce the members of my Ducal Court to you, my charming subjects. First and foremost in my thoughts is the Alpha Male (Y.U. calls him "Bearded Scritcher"). He loves me and gives me Greenies and treats and place to take naps. His mate is the Scullery Maid (Y.U. calls her "Giver of Greenies"). She makes sure I have food and litter and- most importantly- Greenies! She and Alpha Male have two kittens: the Court Musician and the Unwanted Wuzzler. The Court Musician types my blogs for me, as I said, and plays the harp for my entertainment. The Unwanted Wuzzler is the youngest kitten, and she does many strange things. Sometimes she plays string with me, and other times she tortures me by catching me and warming her paws on my belly.
Well, those are the members of my ducal court. I shall post more later, but the Court Musician refuses to type anymore- some paltry excuse about "homework". Humph... I may as well humor her since she holds the mouse.

I remain, your enchanting ruler,
Polgara, the Duchess who outranks everyone.