Took Her Long Enough!

Hmph. Well, I've finally gotten my Court Musician back under control. She hasn't "had time" to post my mewsings because homework. Again, the lame excuse! I have given her a stern talking-to and she has agreed to being posting again on a more regular schedule.
Certian recent events in Our Domain have upset me a great deal. It's bad enough that Y.U. has taken over the upstairs, but recently she's been invading my den downstairs! My one remaining stronghold has been breached. We are royally ticked!
The interloper spent most of her time down here sucking up to my humans and trying to steal my catnip mouse. Y.U. thought she could stay down here longer, but I informed her otherwise. Stealing my Alpha Male, indeed!

I am preparing to counter her most recent attack with propaganda intended to bring the traitorous members of my Court back to my side. I will focus on the Alpha Male and Scullery Maid. The Alpha Male is MY human, and while he appears to be neutral, I cannot afford to let Y.U. have him. The Scullery Maid is most important from a strategic point of view- she spends most of her time upstairs, in the heart of Y.U.'s territory. If I can turn the Scullery Maid to my side, I shall have a very valuable ally.
I shall carry out my campaign by making them remember who I am! I am a Duchess who outranks everyone, and must be treated as such! I shall demand food befitting my rank, while keeping their loyalty by allowing them to pet me and put me on their laps... So long as they don't warm their cold fingers on me, as the Unwanted Wuzzler does!

This is all that your Duchess has to say for the moment.
Signed, the RULER of the house,

Well, we can't have THAT!

It has recently come to our attention that the Young Upstart (Y.U.) is still blogging all sorts of horrible nonsense about our Catship. Ever since that young cat came into the house she's been bugging me. I've been trying to expose the truth in my comments on her blog, but that has proven to be insufficient. As a result, my majesty has spread to the internet (you may pause to bask in my glory). My scribe and court musician will type all my pearls of wisdom as I dictate them.
I suppose I should introduce the members of my Ducal Court to you, my charming subjects. First and foremost in my thoughts is the Alpha Male (Y.U. calls him "Bearded Scritcher"). He loves me and gives me Greenies and treats and place to take naps. His mate is the Scullery Maid (Y.U. calls her "Giver of Greenies"). She makes sure I have food and litter and- most importantly- Greenies! She and Alpha Male have two kittens: the Court Musician and the Unwanted Wuzzler. The Court Musician types my blogs for me, as I said, and plays the harp for my entertainment. The Unwanted Wuzzler is the youngest kitten, and she does many strange things. Sometimes she plays string with me, and other times she tortures me by catching me and warming her paws on my belly.
Well, those are the members of my ducal court. I shall post more later, but the Court Musician refuses to type anymore- some paltry excuse about "homework". Humph... I may as well humor her since she holds the mouse.

I remain, your enchanting ruler,
Polgara, the Duchess who outranks everyone.